Sounding like a Southern Hick a.k.a. Why I Write Instead of Talk

It can't be missed. I have a Southern accent. I may not have tools with me, but I am usually fixin' something each day.  It could be dinner, it could be getting ready to go to work, it could making a phone call.  Instead of speaking standard American the way most politicians do when they lie or repeat empty platitudes, I drop the "g" off the end of words constantly: talkin,' climbin,' smokin,' and runnin'.  It's not all of you,  it's y'all.  Occasionally, I have 'druthers.

I know the difference between varmints and vermin and if you tell me something is o'yonder, I know exactly where it is.  I never figured on living in Charleston and I've got a hankering for some shrimp and grits.  When I was littler, I was whupped on a near daily basis.  I know how to see 'bout that and whatchadoon is a real word to me.

I never really had a choice in the matter.  I was born in Georgia to a mother from North Carolina and a father from Oklahoma.  Mom loves plantations, history, Charleston, and the allure of the "Deep South".  Right Wing Dad loves guns, big belt buckles, rock music, and sharing his opinions with anyone who will listen.  When my parents were dating, my mother said there was a large pothole in her driveway.  She knew Right Wing Dad was coming because the tailgate of his old pick up truck would bang loudly when he pulled in.  The line that Right Wing Dad once used that caused her to melt?:  "You got a kiss for a tired old cowboy?"  Imagine the bravado, confidence, and sheer alpha male manliness it takes to pull that one off.

Mom and Right Wing Dad are still together.  At least, they were when this picture was taken.  

I have a job where I deal with people from all over the country.  And where ever possible, I email and instant message long before I pick up a phone and talk.  Even worse, I despise the video conferences my employer and coworkers all seem to love.  Why? Because I sound like a hick. Truthfully, I am a little bit of a hick, but I'm also fairly intelligent and somewhat educated.  I'm actually an excellent communicator, both in person and in writing.  Where I live, everybody understands "Lemme show ya'll sumpin. That should work, doncha think?" That's Southern and it works well in person-to-person communication.  Especially with "folks who ain't from around here".

But try that over the phone, especially to a Yankee, and tell me how it works out for you.  The automatic assumption is that a Southern accent means a yokel, a country boy, a backwoods hick. Studies have shown that a Southern twang pegs the speaker as comparatively dimwitted.  But, it also seems to indicate a nicer person than folks who speak like a Yankee. Stereotypes based on accent are deep rooted and they have profound consequences.

Numerous studies show that we instantly attach subjective judgments about people’s knowledge and abilities from hearing their accent in speech. A 2011 study found that in categorizing people, a person’s accent carried more weight than even visual cues to ethnicity.  In surveys ranking where in the country people speak “correctly” or “incorrectly,” the Southern states always get the lowest marks.  Strange, isn’t it? That there are "correct" and "incorrect" accents.

I traveled extensively for about 12 years for a job; I've been from Florida to Seattle and most points in between.  While I do have a noticeable Southern accent, it's not an especially thick one. But for many I have met, they think that it is the epitome of a Southern accent. And with nothing to compare it to, it must come across pretty strong.  A partial list of things I've experienced:

• "Wow! Why do you sound so Southern all of the sudden?" ... as if it is something bad.
• Several times people have repeated what I said in their version of a fake Southern drawl and it sounds so idiotic.
• A few times people have assumed that I am prejudiced, racist, and small minded and told me racial jokes or made charged remarks.  This is almost always done in hushed, whispered tones, as if they were confiding in someone who understands and shares their view point.   
• Many assume that I'm unworldly and sheltered. It's amazing to them when I say I have tried different/exotic types of cuisine.  Or that I didn't grow up eating fried chicken, cornbread and collard greens every meal. 
• Countless people ask "Wow...what are you doing out here?" ... as if I am any different from all the other transplants and travelers in the area.

It's always an eye opening experience.  The thing about being Southern is people think it's okay to poke fun or disrespect you. If I were Chinese with an accent and I spoke to someone they would NEVER repeat what I said in their best Chinese sounding effort and laugh it off.  But if you are Southern, it's somehow okay.

This is why I prefer to write to people I don't know. On paper, emails, blogs, I can appear to be at least halfway intelligent. That way, when they do finally hear the Southern accent, it blows them out of the water.  I enjoy that part the best. Especially when you can practically hear their mental wheels grinding to a halt as they struggle to adjust their perceptions. And in the end, I come across as that much smarter.